Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When are your genitals available?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
