oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
