To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
