I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
