Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
