You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
