Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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