we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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