When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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