Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
