were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
