Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
