ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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