hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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