I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
