you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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