...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
