I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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