I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
