i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
