From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
