Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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