Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
