Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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