The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
