Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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