I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
