the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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