No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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