i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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