brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
