Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
