I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
