Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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