is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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