I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
