You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
