fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
