come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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