Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize