Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
