"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
