Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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