First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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