sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
