He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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