so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you pee in the oven last night??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
