Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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