Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
