You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
