i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Randomize
