The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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