He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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