Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
