i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize