when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
