where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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