its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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