She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can I color on your dick again?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
