ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
