wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize