you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
