he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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