She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
