please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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