: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
