i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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