Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
