im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
