Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize